How to text someone you are interested in?

by Lee Wang

Texting is a strange art form. To some generations, texting is a new idea that they will never truly embrace because they relied on voice or face to face communication for so long. Other generations were born at a time when text communication was the norm yet there are still times when it can be difficult to perfect it. One of the most difficult types of texting, no matter your generation, is those early messages to someone you are attracted to. There are many pitfalls and we are here to help you navigate through them all. 

The key difficulties that arise when texting someone that you are interested in for the first time are that you want to show you are interested but not come across as needy. The number of texts you send, how they are written, and what they actually say are all crucially important. The truth is that texting is an imperfect method of communication and it can cause many misunderstandings. It can causes issues in communication with people you know incredibly well so of course, it can cause miscommunication with someone you are just starting to get to know. 

The best approach is to keep messages relatively short but interested. If your messages are too long your risk losing the person’s interest or boring them. I know from past experiences I have been messaging someone and it has gone incredibly well, they then mention something I am really passionate about or ask an open-ended question, and I launch into a long message. They lose interest straight away. In the early stages, you must keep your messages short, snappy, and interesting.

Be careful not to keep them too short as this may suggest you are not interested or simply paint you as a boring person with nothing to say. There is a happy medium there and you need to find the balance. The secret to success here is mirroring. The length of the messages you are receiving is roughly what you should be sent back. As you get to know someone better they will get longer and longer. 

You should try and use emojis to highlight your meaning. A sentence can be read in many different ways depending on where you place the emphasis. Something as simple as “I had fun last night” can be taken as simply being polite or you really want to see them again. By adding a winking emoji you are able to convey more flirtation. However, be careful with emojis. If you use them too much you may come across as childish. Again mirroring here is a great way to approach the situation.

Good grammar is always a good idea. While you may message your friends with messages that use abbreviations for every second word, they know you, they know you are smart, they still read the message in your voice and way of speaking. If you take grammatical shortcuts in these early messages you risk losing your voice and coming across in a different way. Use good grammar.

When messaging, try to be a little bit subtle. While you may be thinking “wow you are gorgeous” this can be a little direct for an early conversation. Instead, say something like “you look great in a suit” this will likely endear them to write back to pry a little more information out from you. 

The final point of advice is to always leave them wanting more. If a conversation is going great and you talk for six hours straight, it may seem like you have found your soulmate. However, the next time you talk you may have nothing to talk about. Talk, impress, and leave the conversation. Keep these conversations short but frequent to show you are interested but a busy person.

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