Leaving a relationship for the right reasons

by Jack Smith

If you watch a lot of romantic comedies you could be forgiven for thinking relationships were easy. Maybe you think there is some excitement in the wooing stage but that once you have battled the dragon, overcome the spell, shown your partner how much you love them in an awkward and public fashion or woke them with a kiss (ok sleeping beauty was not really a romantic comedy) then everything else will be happily ever after. The truth is that there is no happily ever after because there is no after. Relationships are tough and you will be presented with numerous challenges throughout that force you to examine both yourself and the person you are with.

When you fall in love with someone you base that decision on your first months together. Maybe you love them because they have a great smile, are funny, smell nice. However, as the relationship progresses you will be faced with bigger and bigger decisions and you will learn a lot about your significant other. You should not feel that you have to accept a person’s views simply because you fell in love with them over a smile. 

There are some compromises that can’t be made and if it reaches that point it is better to end the relationship than to continue and hope someone will change. There are important things that you need to decide in your life and if your partner isn’t on board, it isn’t meant to be. These include things like your career choices and children. 

Of course, some relationships choose to continue even though they disagree about such things, this can be correct too. The important thing is that you examine the relationship and don’t fool yourself about the future. If you want children and your partner doesn’t then you need to realize that your partner probably won’t change his mind. If you want to focus on your career and your partner wants you to stay at home this may be something that can’t be solved. While you fell in love with who they are for some reason if it doesn’t work practically then little can be done. 

A story recently went viral on the internet proving this exact point. A woman had been dating her boyfriend for 18 months, things were going great. They appeared to agree on everything. They wanted children but both agreed to wait until both of their careers were in a good position. One night they were watching a movie and the woman made an innocent joke. She said that she knew once they had a kid that her partner would love the child more than her. He replied, being totally serious, that if it was a boy he would love him more but not if it is was a girl.

I know some readers are looking at that and thinking it is just a really strange joke but after discussing it with her boyfriend she realized that he had been harboring sexist thoughts like this all along. He said that his father raised him to believe that women were inferior to men and that was how he felt. What!? That is incredible. Clearly, the woman in question ended the relationship immediately. She realized that the person she was dating all along was a psychopath and got out fast.

The question is at what point do you choose to stay or go. How different does a person’s viewpoint or beliefs have to be before you decide enough is enough? The truth is that it depends on each relationship. Of course, if they are a terrible sexist, then no one should put up with that but if they are right-wing and you are left-wing, that may be ok. You need to decide how important these things are to your relationship and how much it matters to you that the person you will spend your life with thinks a certain way. Once you figure that out, your decision is made.

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