How to be a success in dating as an introvert?

by Eric Daniels
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Being an introvert and dating can seem like two elements that together will create disaster, but this does not have to be the case. Being an introvert can be a successful trait in dating if you know yourself well and use the traits of an introvert to your advantage. Read on to learn how.

First of all, let’s define introvert. If you look up the definition it will say the word shy. This is a great way to convey the meaning to someone who is not a native English speaker or has never heard the term before but it is not correct. Introvert and shy are two very different things. A shy person is insecure around groups of people or even other individuals. An introvert is simply someone who gets their energy from being alone. I have known introverts who were incredible public speakers and entertainers but after the job is done, they don’t like to go party with a bunch of people, they prefer to be alone to re-energize and unwind. A shy person may be an introvert or an extrovert and an introvert may or may not be shy.

When people read this definition they likely associate with it to some degree. The truth is that most people are not extreme introverts or extroverts. Some are introverted extroverts and others are extroverted introverts. It is a spectrum and everyone falls somewhere on that line. Some days you may need to be alone to energize other days you may be fine with others. Let’s talk about extreme introverts and dating.

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To some, the idea may seem incredibly difficult. It requires you to go out to the world and interact with lots of people for who knows how many hours. It can be exhausting for an introvert. However, planned correctly and it can be the key to your success. As an introvert, you should actually try and take the lead. Decide where that first date will be and have it in a setting that makes you comfortable and may have a predefined length of time. A restaurant or an activity like bowling are all good ideas. The cinema may seem like a good idea but it is not. Any date where you sit beside someone for two hours without talking is not a good idea.

While on that first date it is a great idea to ask “So, are you an extrovert or an introvert”. Let them take the lead in how they answer and listen closely. When it comes to your turn explain how you are an introvert and enjoy that aspect of your life, don’t allow it to be confused with insecurity or shyness. Explain how you just like to recharge your batteries alone or with someone you are very close with. Watch how they start to agree and say similar things. 

You have now laid your introvert foundations. You have explained who you are. If they ever ask you for a party, of course, you should go but explain that it really isn’t your cup of tea. Go there, support them, be comfortable in whatever way you see fit. If the crowd is a little overwhelming then focus on your date. By focusing on your date you will make them feel special like they are all you see in a crowd of people. 

A common trait of introverts is that they are not big talkers. Great, be a big listener. By asking strategic and tactile questions you can get your partner to talk a lot and just show your listening skills. In most cases, this will impress far more than someone who never stops talking.

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