When a couple senses that their relationship has died, the first instinct is to salvage the friendship that led to their pairing. While this instinct is admirable to adhere to and some people can make it work, the task is rather masochistic. Another lot of people take a different approach, remaining friends with those whom they have dated. The first trick to reaching renewed camaraderie with your ex is to ice all communication for half a year. Six months is just enough time to restructure your life without your ex’s involvement that meeting them again is almost a new you.
While you owe your ex respect, you do not owe them friendship. Neither one of you can help rebuild the other from the shattered relationship. Being in constant proximity to your former “best friend” is only going to end in further emotional discord. While non-communication can be painful, you are dealing with an ex, not a friend. You have to go cold turkey on communication; you cannot just wean yourself off by texting them less and less often.
While this may seem cruel, you can soften the impact. Simply explain that you feel each other should take a break and that talking will just reignite the problems that first led to the breakup. Do not mention the six-month time frame unless they specifically ask for a “deadline;” should this scenario arise, simply declare that you want to try for six months and then see how things feel. None of this approach is unreasonable nor heartless, it is merely establishing boundaries that will help both parties mend.
Follow through with this plan. Mute them on your social media and work on maybe filling the hole that person left in your life with other people; you may just discover someone even more amazing than your ex. Only communicate if it is vital, transactional or unavoidable-workplace relationships should remain professional on the clock. If one of his parents die, send your condolences. If you need your stuff back, firmly ask for it.
Follow the six-month plan covered above and you may just realize that that was just enough time for you to realize that life can continue to be enjoyed with his presence. You may find that you have grown as a person, possibly found new friends, new passions and new career opportunities. You may realize that you can do the tasks they helped out with just fine on your own-maybe even figure out a better way of solving the issue.
If you feel like reconnecting, considering checking in on him no sooner than a few weeks after the embargo was lifted. Remember to try not coming across as too desperate and you may soon recall just how nice things were when he was involved in your life. Maybe the two of you act like proper, intelligent adults and choose to maintain a friendship, acknowledging that each of you has likely improved from the time spent isolated from each other.
